Growing up Mommies

Hello Peeps, well my word its been far too long since the last time i blogged of anything. I hope all is well with everyone and their families. Im no longer on FB so im sincerely clueless as to what is going on in most of my gal pals lives, and to be honest its a real motivator to up the ante in my life to make a serious attempt to stay in touch with those i love via phone calls, and real live in person dates! Its harder than I expected. I've always struggled with staying consistent and persistent in keeping my relationships with others alive and active...needless to say its so much easier to drop a comment on someones online personal page to let them know i love them and am thinking of them, than to just pick up the phone and make an in person date! I am not sure if its just todays culture or what, but the online social networking sure feels a lot more convenient and easy to maintain. That type of network works for anyone, including my GMA who is so upset that i am not on there anymore because she said she felt like it was a way for her to stay updated and close to Auburn my now 10 month old. Hmm i dont know how long ill be able to resist the online social scene,but my goals are simple and reasonable. I have struggled my entire life with the most basic questions in life. "Who am I really, What do I Want, What do I need, What Purpose do i serve in my lifetime, How do i want to be remembered, What do I want to do with the remaining time I have in This Life?."Very basic right?!?! Seems easy to spout off all the things I've been told I should Want, Need, and Desire. But at this time in my life i feel like im having a mid 20s life crisis ;) lol...I in no way am making a judgement on Anyone else, but im excited to share what I am learning and maybe you'll find it interesting and maybe not, but Id like to make it clear that the views im expressing are mine, and i would never try to impose them on another ever! So for now, I am Kaitlyn Rose. My priorities are as follows, Jesus, Auburn, Myself, Family, Schooling, Friends, and finally Love! Ive discovered something inside of me that i like to call ME. Me is who ive never ever focused on, valued, trusted or finally and most important Loved. I have always put myself last on my lists, and ive developed really unhealthy relationships and habits, because ive never thought i was worth or deserving of anything. Now at the age of 23 ive taken a step to take care of ME. I am discovering a strength and resilience I didnt know I had. Im discovering my Voice. This voice is full of substance and truth. Im finding that second guessing, searching for a 2nd, 3rd and 50th opinion for ALL of my decisions has become pointless and irrelevant to WHO I am, WHAT I want, How I feel and believe! It makes no sense to live a life full of decisions and choices that someone else makes for Me. I am only interested in Gods plan/will. I want only one other to influence Me. I have taken my world of chaos and threw it back at God and surrendered my by nature, CONTROL freak self, To Him. Auburn is my light. Shes been the reinforcement that I needed to not only Know but Act and React to all things that are Right from Wrong. Shes AMAZING. I choose Right for her, because she deserves a parent who can make a great decision. Theres never been anything or anyone like Auburn Rose. Ive never been a decision maker, till i met Her. Here I am at 23 and im finally making the first REAL and Meaningful choices for ME and well its liberating and empowering. For the first time in my Life, my priorities dont put Me listed as LAST. Sounds a tad selfish?!?....Maybe....but i dont need to judge myself anymore. Im learning this really cool concept. When given a circumstance that is not comfortable, approachable, or agreeable...dont Judge it. Accept it. And Move on. Acknowledge at all times how I am feeling but than allowing my feelings to be OK and than moving on. I dont always have to Feel, Process, React. I could just Feel, Acknowledge, and Let Go. Feelings dont last forever. Good or Bad, emotions and feelings, theyre temporary. Life is an elevator and its always going UP and Down. But thats life. Accept that things will not always feel so perfect, but Let it Go! When it feels perfect, acknowledge it but dont crumble when the elevator needs to go back down for a bit. The Emotion of it will not last forever. The most unhappy souls will smile again. Ive been working on a non judgement zone/non Labeling zone. People, places and things, bad or good, practice being in that moment with whatever you are doing and be present with all your might. Distractions are rampant, but multi-tasking is quite literally not possible. I might think that i can fully be present typing on the key, while watching a TV show, and talking on the phone while my loved one is spilling their guts out venting and seeking some support. But fact is, Im typing my heart out, i have no clue whats happening on Jersey Shore right now, and my loved one does not have my full and undivided attention. Thats not fair to my loved one, to my interest in these crazy tan italians, and my love for sharing what I FEEL with those who will read this! So the TV is off and im calling my loved one back, and im giving my full and undivided attention to my heart of sharing right now. Thats a practice that helps me to focus in on LIVING. Living a life with my whole heart. Feeling what needs to be felt and learning to Love and Value ME! Exciting stuff. Quick update, Auburns learning sign language, im ready for school to start, my parentals and family are all living well. I am taking up singing again. Fun fun fun! Love and Blessings. To my fellow mommies who ive not been in touch with like id like to be, I LOVE YOU!!! xoxo