Thursday, April 1, 2010

Learning Everyday

Auburn Rose Ratliff is the child i never thought i wanted to have and now i cant imagine not having her. I was so in love with myself, my life, my education, my socialy networks, my future goals. Children were never apart of my plan. I met my husband at the peak of my crazy selfish college party days. He was ready to settle down long before i was even thinking about it. I cant even explain to anyone how incredibly selfish i was just a year ago. I was not a good candidate for motherhood, i think some of my friends were worried when i got pregnant because they knew how selfish and crazy my life was at the time. My husband who happens to be quite a few years younger than I took the news of the pregnancy like a champ. I on the other hand had a complete mental break down. It took 4 weeks for me to accept the pregnancy, and by accept i mean i was so terrified that yes I was actually considering terminating the pregnancy. I am not airing this information to be judged by it but i want to be honest. Yes even a woman raised knowing the bible inside and out, and loving the Lord, i considered for 4 weeks terminating the pregnancy. I am totally ashamed of having considered that, but like i said, i had a mental breakdown. The 4th week when i decided to keep my little one, was the week that i started learning so much about life, myself, my morals and goals. I have not stopped learning since that 4th week. I have not stopped changing since that 4th week. Everything about my life changed on September 12, 2009 and 6:01 am and i knew i would never be the same. I had a revalation and realized what Gods love is for us. I realized the full extent the love a parent has for their child. I became the most selfless person, i completely forgot about me, and it was all about Auburn and i have to say there is nothing better than living to make her happy and healthy. I learn everyday who she is, what she wants, needs, and my life is fully devoted to her. My husband deserves a lot of credit, he handled everything so amazing, including my breakdown. He pulled me through so much fear and pushed me right into a bold move of motherhood. I am so proud of him. Im so proud to be his wife. Auburn is the apple of our eye. She completes us and makes us better people. I cant even tell you how much i have learned since ive become a mom, but the most important thing i have learned, is how PRECIOUS and Fragile life really is. I have learned that i want to stay healthy and do things the right way so that i can make sure that i am here for Auburn for as long as humanely possible. I know that at any moment God can say ok your time here is done, but while i am here i will make sure i do the very best i can to be the best person and mother that i can be. I dont want to have any regrets. I want to live everyday knowing ive done my personal best. I hope all my fellow mommies are encouraged to do their best. Love and Hugs and lots of Learning...Kaitlyn
Here are some pics of Auburns first easter with the easter bunny and her cousin. They were adorable...


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