Emotions Running High

Hi all,
The last couple weeks have been really emotional for me. Our fellow dear Mommy Alia has moved, there have been lots of family and personal drama and battles taking place, as well as an eye opening realization that i have a button inside me that when it gets pushed i snap! I am by no means a violent or overly angry woman, however, i have a sharp tongue and quick to argue attitude when i feel overwhelmed, not to mention my social censoring goes out the window. I am doing what i can to not let things pile up so high in my life that they at one certain point, all come crashing down but the last couple weeks that hasn't been possible for me! I have a point to make and I'm not calling anyone out but the point I've learned this week is that giving people a chance to redeem themselves and my trust for them is often pointless and blows up in my face. I realized that there are people who tell me oh i would never say this or do that, and the next minute that same person is stirring up a pot of trouble and throwing it all over me! I also realized that being an adult, mom, wife, woman is a hard thing to do with grace. There are people around who have made it public and clear to all that life as a mom for them is all about being vain and shallow and looking like a perfect 10! For me a perfect 10 type of woman is healthy, caring, loving, and focused on sharing her health, care and love with her family and friends. Most importantly a perfect 10 to me is someone who is so beautiful on the inside that the outside is just amplified by who that person is, rather than how that person looks. Realistically there are a lot of women who are unable to get their pre baby bodies back after having children, its very hard for some women and for others its a piece of cake. However, living each day thinking only about how your body looks to others is vain and shallow and neither of those are good, acceptable, positive, or productive characteristics. Vanity has become this country's plague. Life has become so much about how we look that there are sooo few people around that have good characteristics on the inside. I am friendly with almost anyone, but people that i consider normal, good hearted, real, loving and trustworthy have been limited to literally 10 people, out of the hundreds i know and am cordial with, 10 people are who i want to spend my days with interacting. Its so hard to find a real friend these days. Anyone can put up a front but sometimes i wish i wasn't so discerning and able to read through so many peoples fronts. I would probably like a lot more people than i do now, if i was blind to the fronts they put up. But something i do very well is read through b.s. and i hate that because it makes me weary and conscious about everyone. I just wish people would work as hard if not harder on creating a fantastic person on the inside as they do focusing on perfecting their outside! I want to teach my daughter that its more important to be honest than to fit into a size zero pant. Its more important to learn how to love and be kind than to have rock hard abs, a perfect tan, and Hollywood hair! Yet i know in this country its nearly impossible to protect my little girl from this distorted thought that looking like the world wants you to look is how your going to get ahead in life. How can i make sure she understands that her being genuine, her love, her good heart, and her brilliant mind are what is going to get her so much farther. How will i get her to believe me when i say to her that looks will fade, but who you are inside will be remembered forever! This and so many other evils are why i didn't ever plan to bring a child into this world. I snapped at some individuals this week for being so openly shallow and all i can think is that i hope they realize that they're taking part in this distorted image and sharing it with their children and loved ones! It makes me sad for little girls to think that someday they're going to want to stop eating, start purging, and start conforming to a standard that is Not realistic. On a lighter note, my genius baby has learned to pull herself up from the sitting position to standing lol...shes growing up so fast! I cant believe it! Anyways have a great weekend everyone and remember to love, learn, and live with integrity and grace. I'm working on it constantly right now!